I was so excited last night I woke up extra early, even before the pigeons. When I got to ITV land, everyone was asleep except for some Hoobs. Have you noticed how the elderly get up really early? And they forget things a lot? That must be why there are so many old shows repeated first thing in the morning.
Anyway the Hoobs were very kind and told me where to go.
So I went there and found lots of news people. So it’s not just old people that are up early but news people too. Old news people must be so early, they get up before they go to bed.
It was very interesting in the news people place: there was a lady and a man with a big couch and a very important desk and lots of cameras. Behind them was a huge window into another room with lots of people sitting on wheelie chairs, waiting.
Everyone was waiting. I asked what they were waiting for but they wouldn’t say. They said they didn’t have time to answer stupid questions: they couldn’t afford to miss anything that might come in.
I said that if they were waiting for something to come in, they should watch the door. After all I had come in and no one noticed me until I asked them what they were waiting for.
I think the lady grew up watching Paddington Bear because she gave me a really good ‘hard stare’. But before I could ask her about her favourite children’s telly, something did come in. I didn’t see the door open but the people through the big window all went mad and rushed about on their wheelie chairs.
I laughed when they whizzed about but the lady shuffled her pile of papers at me. The Floor Manager started his count down so I cleared my throat and smiled at the camera to go on air. But the Floor Manager shoved me behind the desk out of sight.
It was quite crowded behind there. 
There was a make up girl and a hamster who had to shred the lady’s papers and a man waxing everyone’s legs. The make up girl said it gives the newsreaders a sincere wince when reading out tragic stories. I kept out of the waxing man’s way.
Then just as the hamster was going to let me have a go at shredding, the reporters in the back room whizzed about on their wheelie, the waxing man went into overdrive and the lady winced sincerely:
something very big had come in!
It was very scary. They started using words like ‘child’, ‘explosive’, ‘went missing’, ‘patio’, and I think they said ‘yeti’ but it was hard to tell because...
the waxing man was a bit too diligent...
Anyway I was frightened. A big yeti had come into the building and if anyone’s patio had gone missing, the yeti was going to explode some children! And I didn’t understand and none of the grown ups would tell me anything. All they kept saying was, this is far too important for kids and I should get out of the way.
I hid in the shredder and shut my eyes tight for ages in case the yeti or anything else big came in.
Then when I opened them, everyone had gone home and I had been thrown in the paper-recycling bin. I expect any children who had to watch were as confused as me.
It just needed someone to explain things. But there is no place for children in early morning news.
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